Culture of Death in the Kitchen?

 We all know we're in a stereotypical Catholic home when we come into the dining area and there is some variation of the Lord's Supper over the table. I always found this a gaudy and rather tacky cultural tradition. Yet as I've grown in my faith, and expanded my studies, I've come to understand the profound nature of this traditional set up. And especially, lamenting what appears to be its approaching loss. It's always interesting how information crosses our path to come to, what should be, obvious conclusions.

Interestingly the earliest Christian
document we have is on communion
and the last supper!

A former co-worker of mine had previously been a youth/child social worker. On learning I had children the first thing from his mouth was an emphatic, "Do you eat together at least once a week? The most important part of a stable family is eating together at least once a week!". Although I already knew routine was paramount to family stability, I found the secular emphasis on meals striking. I suppose it should have been unsurprising that regular religious practice was not even thought of in his training; but such is the nature of "multicultural" sensitivity training. At any rate, a year and a half later in a completely unrelated event, I finally got around to renovating my bathroom. A dear contractor friend was kind enough to do the project for us. And as happens as one works on one's home, dreams and suggestions for further work flow as naturally as any construction project of castles in the sky.

In the course of these most entertaining discussions, the suggestion that I turn my dining room into a bathroom and bedroom was brought up. My friend, whose experience I have no reason to doubt in these matters, said "None uses dining rooms anymore. Everyone is building breakfast islands/bars with stools. None is home at the same time anymore. And who eats together anymore anyway?".  This really struck me in an unexpectedly unpleasant manner. Especially as my friend has the enviable blessing of being a faithful catholic from a large and intimate family. Although that casual architectural point brought into sharp contrast the Catholic principle of sacraments being and outward sign of inward grace. What does that say about our priorities when we do not consider eating as a family important enough to devote a significant space for it?

Let us expand on this more broadly. Ignoring the debate on the shifting of emphasis of the Mass to the celebration of the Lords supper rather than on the representation of His sacrifice. Let's take that transferred emphasis as is. As Vatican II rightly exhorts, "the celebration of the Eucharist is the source and summit of our Faith", that is to say the communion of the Lambs Supper; so too then is then, the communion of the family supper. The devoted space and time to the sharing of the meal is the centrepiece of our entire religion. And yet, children and families have created an environment  that makes it almost impossible to understand and participate in the celebration of the Lord's supper as they have no concrete, material, reference to the communion of the family supper? Or vis-a-vis, what significant impact can the communion of the Lord's Supper have on the Family when they have no experience or reference points to the communion of supper in their very own homes?


If I might be allowed to indulge in my Commie lexicon of former convictions... This seems to me to physically impose upon the family a very real alienation from one another. Throwing each member into a radical individualism, divorced from the shared community (communion) of the actual institution of the family. This, tragically, is the self fulfilling cycle of narcissism, ego-centrism, and materialist nihilism that has come from the, so called, sexual liberation of Feminism. And if, dear reader, you espouse the notion that one can be a Catholic AND a feminist, I fear you're exactly the problem being addressed. And make no mistake, feminism has always hated and sought to undermine the communion of the family from the beginning. Emma Goldman, not a "moderate" feminist in any regard, observed this traditional feminist hatred of the communion of the Family in her logically incoherent lament, The Tragedy of Women's Emancipation.

"The narrowness of the existing conception of women's independence and emancipation; the dread of love for a man who is not her social equal; the fear that love will rob her of her freedom and independence; the horror that the love or the joy of motherhood will only hinder her in the full exercise of her profession-all these together make of the emancipated modern woman a compulsory vestal, before whom life, with it's great clarifying sorrows and its deep, entrancing joys, rolls on without touching or gripping her soul."

The natural consequences of rebelling against the Traditional Christian Family Order and general feminist animosity toward it was clear back in 1910! But this overall attitude; this willful blocking of communion and family by way of fear of failure to self aggrandizement, has spread to both sexes and all members of the family. Indeed, what I find so resentful, is that it seems to be so fully embraced by the Church and laity alike. An outright hostility to the plain wording of Ephesians 5 And Genesis 3 regarding the organic and divinely mandated hierarchical structure of the family. As sentimental and moving John Paul II's Encyclical on the Dignity and Vocation of Women my be, it still attempts to explain away the obvious, and give the impression Christianity has historically abusive and oppressive to women. This kidy gloved response only validated the corrosive idea that the traditional communion of the family is always holding each individual member back from more pressing material concerns. Some ethereal and shapeless "liberation" of ones "genius".

And is it not so, in the attempt to realize this "liberation", this "genius", hockey practice, dance lessons, work etc. are always scheduled in opposition to the families supper? Always pressing individual house members into racing through food as a fuel rather than a family communion... especially the mother.  This focus on constant individual enterprises clearly undermines the very ability to engage in family communion supper, let alone the Lamb's supper. We all see it. "Oh we don't go to mass in the summer. We focus on our (insert second leisure property here) in the summer." "Well (insert child here) has (insert activity here) on Sundays.". no sense of authentic communion whatsoever.

Consequentially, therefore, we are now seeing it in the architecture of the kitchen. The outward sign if inward dis-grace. Lifeless, impersonal, anemic, fast food inspired feed bars. What could be a more plain tableaux of the culture of death in the home? Spiritually, emotionally, cut off from each other. Not even facing each other to facilitate the sharing of glances of affection, spur on spontaneous discussion. To be simply alone, with another household occupants body beside you, staring into one's own plate... in ones own thoughts. Int the same place, but alone. The solution is clear; and even sadly easy. To suggest high dining with ones family every day or week is to completely miss the simplicity of the point. The idea is to make the communion less stress filled and hectic. Simply spaghetti and the family around the table. Share in prayer before the meal. It may be the only time the family comes together in daily prayer. Take the opportunity. Discuss the days events, ask questions about the Faith, school, what everyone is reading... the old art of conversation. Put the icon of the Last Supper over your table.

In the end, the death of communion in the home very much seems to be linked to the death of engagement of the communion of Christ's supper at Mass. But we don't need to let it be so. Change your dining area into the genuine practice of the Way of Life. May God bless and protect you and yours. Amen.